hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
