it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
