my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
