So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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