They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
