exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
