Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I wear drunk well.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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