Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
