I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
