Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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