I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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