I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
