Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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