Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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