Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
