apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
