our cab driver is having phone sex.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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