I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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