I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
