He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
