Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
