Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
