Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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