whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
