So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
420 ftw
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
