I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
