i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
