Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
