How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
