I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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