And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
