You're my little dorito
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
