so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
