I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
