and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
