You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
