Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
