I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
