bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
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