One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
