Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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