we're chasing vodka with high fives
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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