Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
