He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
