I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
