There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
