everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
