We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
