Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
