They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
