Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
