he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
