so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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