I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
