she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You were trust falling into bushes
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
