i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
